Friday, May 28, 2021

I am about to become the wandering Jew as opposed to the wondering Jew as I move from one location to another with a pit stop in between. Things are in flux in a big way right now but strangely I am more stable than I have been in a long time. I haven't been this happy since I don't know when. I am about to become homeless for a while, although I will be living in a lovely home that is not mine while I wait for my home to become available. Ah, the vagaries of modern day real estate and moving. If you had asked me when I was young where I thought I would be at the age of 52, this is not it. However, hineni and I am filled with wonder. 

I am dealing with a somewhat major family emergency/crisis while trying to pack and move and downsize a large household into a smaller one. I am filled with wonder at the woman who is my daughter who has come to the rescue, so to speak, and has come up with a brilliant plan to deal with the family emergency all while keeping an amazingly cool head. That is an OB/GYN for you. Medical school and Residency may have been a total bitch but apparently they really teach you how to deal with a crisis with a cool head. She is an amazing mentsch. I like to think that I had a little bit to do with that but she is also just her own person. She put in the work to make her life happen the way it did. I couldn't kvell more if I tried. There is nothing better than the relationship you have with your grown children, I think. It is so different than the one you had when they lived with you or even when they were in college. When they become gainfully employed and have their own family it is like they have arrived at a new level of personhood. You know when you turn to your daughter for a listening ear and a helping hand you have arrived as a parent. The best part is when she responds with a loving and generous heart that also happens to have a lot of good practical advice.

One thing that makes me so happy about this move is that I will be able to join a Jewish community again. I practice my own form of shomer Shabbes but recently I broke with that and joined the livestream of the the shul that we plan to join in our new home. I had the overwhelming sensation of wanting to jump through the screen of my computer to join in the Shabbat service. I was singing and chanting along with Shacharit and my heart leapt. It has been more than fourteen months since I have led the davening of Shacharit or any davening for that matter. My neshama is starved for any kind of Jewish spiritual connection and I was hearing familiar niggunim and I almost could not bear it. I wanted to be there in person so badly. I was delighted to see that there were people in the congregation, masked and socially distanced, but still there together. My heart was so full of longing. I was overcome by my reaction to just what I saw on the screen. I have been an avoider of Zoom shul. I don't do iPhone, iPad, or computer on Shabbes and anyway I hate services online. I need be with my fellow congregants in person as a kehillah k'doshah. I read the t'shuvah that the RA wrote but I still do not find it acceptable for me to use my small electronic devices on Shabbes to watch shul live streamed or Zoomed. This affected me so strongly, I can't imagine how it will be to attend in person for the first time since the beginning of March 2020.

Despite being a rabid introvert, I need a happy and strong Jewish community to thrive. I think I will have that in my new home.

Borukh Hashem!

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